When
I came here in January, I really thought I had a lot of things figured out. I
knew where I wanted to go in life, what I wanted to do, and who I wanted to be.
But as life would have it, I have been tossed this game changer... that happens
to be an entire country. And trust me, living
in Honduras has taught me lessons that I never knew I needed to be taught:
1.) I've learned the value of my
service here, and the incredible, heart-lifted-out-of-your-chest feeling when
you realize you're actually making a difference in the world... or at least to
a young girl.
2.) I've humbled myself quite a bit. I never thought I was very uptight, mostly because I'm normally around people a bit more uptight than myself. Coming here, however, has taught me how much I need to stop, relax, and enjoy the moment I'm in. But let me repeat this: Life here has taught me that, I'm still not very good at living in the moment.
3.) I've taken The United States
down from the pedestal I unconsciously put it on. When I first came here, I
constantly compared Honduras to the States and thought how much better the States were. I felt bad that Honduras didn't have as good of an education
system, a health care system, an economy, etc. But truthfully, Honduras has the
same problems as the States, just in different forms. Both countries need an
incredible amount of help and support. I realized that by thinking I was above someone else because of my citizenship just put me a thousand degrees below them. This dawned on me once when I saw a woman as old as my grandmother walking down the street,
carrying a 5 pound bag of beans on her head. She looked exhausted and I thought
to myself, "Wow, if she were in the States, she would probably have a car
to drive so she wouldn't have to carry all those beans. And she probably
wouldn't have to eat only those beans. She could probably go to the grocery
store and get something more delicious." But lets think about this for a
second. She probably doesn't know how to drive a car. She probably wouldn't
like 90% of the processed crap in the grocery store because she's never eaten it.
Her life is in Honduras, and this what she knows. While I'm sure she has
struggles in her life, how dare I think that the best thing for her is to
leave her life here, and be in a new life she knows nothing about. Even
recently when I got stitches (a story which involves our vacation to La Ceiba,
a mechanical bull, and the hopes of winning 500 lempiras), I was constantly
comparing the medical attention I received to health care back home. While I'm
sure no health clinic would pour red liquid out of a gatorade bottle onto your
gaping wound (I really hope it wasn't gatorade), whatever they did got the job
done because my hand is perfectly fine now.
The
thing is, I could write 10 more blogs just on the lessons I've learned here.
And another 10 more about how much I've grown, and how much more growing I have
to do. I'm not sure what the future has in store for me, because I'm not sure
what I have in store for my future. While it's a bit nerve-wracking to try to
find solace in an "I don't know," I know that it's up to me. With a
bit more guidance from this wonderful country, my friends and family, I'm hoping
that I can take my life into yet another incredible chapter in my life. The
point is, is that slowly I've come across the realization that I'm in love with
Honduras, my service and my students. And just like my time in Rome, it's going
to be really hard to say goodbye.
